Ever felt like you’re not being heard at work? Maybe you find yourself being interrupted in meetings, or your point of view gets talked over - and ultimately lost - in conversations within your organisation.
Feeling listened to and able to express yourself at work can feel like an uphill battle, particularly if you’re an introvert, worry that what you say will sound stupid or be embarassing, or just struggle to face any sort of confrontation. If this sounds like you, you’re not alone - and you’re also not consigned to forever feeling ignored and unappreciated at your workplace.
Self-doubt is a huge barrier to success in the workplace, but it doesn’t need to be. While there’s no silver bullet, there are techniques that we teach in our business training courses you can employ to make yourself heard, valued and respected. Being assertive at work is one of the crucial means of achieving this.
What is assertive communication and why is it so valuable within the workplace?
Assertiveness is a way of communicating for success in the workplace. Regardless of whether you’re an introvert or find yourself preferring to take a backseat rather than wade into any potential conflict, assertiveness is a powerful tool. It enables you to communicate your ideas, beliefs and skills effectively, diplomatically and appropriately - helping you to avoid other workplace behaviours that can actually damage your workplace relationships.
Not only does this help to harness respect from your colleagues - regardless of whether you’re new within the role or have been at your job for a while - but it’s a means of showing you’re a confident and capable communicator and helps you set clear professional boundaries. But remember: assertive communication is also about listening, so our techniques focus on helping you to build more meaningful working relationships with your colleagues - and ones established upon mutual respect.
Being able to articulate your ideas in an assertive way can pay huge dividends for your career. Not only can it help leaders and managers deal with challenging behaviour from members of their team, but it can even help you progress through your company, with assertiveness seen as a key characteristic of a successful leader.
But how can you harness the power of assertive communication on a day-to-day basis? Our expert trainers here at The Hub Events have decades of collective experience in nurturing people into becoming assertive employees, leaders and professionals. We dug into some of their most powerful assertiveness techniques to help you feel heard.
Being assertive in the ways you speak and behave
1. Deliver your point in a calm and firm tone of voice
An assertive person is clear, confident and calm in their delivery. Whatever the situation, speak in a firm, warm, well-paced and non-accusatory manner as you get across your point; this helps to avoid interruptions and conflict.
Avoid the following:
Aggressive: A raised or loud voice, that is abrupt, accusatory or angry
Passive-aggressive: A neutral, negative or sarcastic tone
Passive behaviour: A quiet, unclear or hesitant tone; use of nervous laughter
2. Keep your face open and friendly
To seem open and welcoming, as you talk, maintain direct eye contact; this makes those you are speaking with feel like they’re being addressed directly, and makes it more likely they’ll listen to what you’re saying. As you do, ensure you smile and keep a firm but kind expression.
Avoid the following:
Aggressive: Threatening eye contact; little smiling; clenched teeth
Passive-aggressive: Eye rolling; fake smiling
Passive behaviour: Avoiding eye contact; inappropriate and exaggerated smiling
3. Use relaxed and open body language
It’s not just your face that gives clues about the way you feel. Being assertive in your body language is about being relaxed and open. Stand upright, use calm hand gestures and be considerate of others’ personal space - after all, respect is a two-way street and showing it to others is a powerful way of getting them to show it to you.
Avoid the following:
Aggressive: Folded arms and other closed-off body language; invading others’ space and pointing or pounding your fists
Passive-aggressive: Sulking
Passive behaviour: Fidgeting nervously; slumped shoulders
How to use assertive behaviour in different workplace scenarios
Now we’re clear as to how our language, body language and tone of voice help us to be assertive, we’ve compiled a series of scenarios to show how you can use this behaviour within different situations in the workplace.
4. In a meeting
When there are multiple people in a meeting, it can be hard to speak up and feel heard, particularly if others present appear far more confident and opinionated than you. However, by expressing your point of view in a calm and clear manner, with open body language and addressing the topic directly - rather than umming and ahhing - will ensure your opinions are delivered assertively.
It’s also important to avoid interrupting others to speak. Showing you’re willing to listen to others’ perspectives and giving them the time to articulate how they’re feeling makes it more likely they’ll give you the same courtesy.
Avoid the following:
Aggressive: Talking over others; using intimidating body language and other controlling behaviours; showing a lack of consideration for other people.
Passive-aggressive: Talking but withholding vital information; using defensive body language; picking on others’ mistakes; deflecting decision making to others.
Passive behaviour: Rarely or never speaking; using evasive body language; agreeing with all decisions.
5. In general workplace conversations
When we speak with our colleagues, employees or boss, it can be easy to feel intimidated, or perhaps slip into unhelpful behaviours, such as being passive aggressive - a communication style that can alienate those around you. To avoid this, keep eye contact with others throughout the conversation; this makes them feel listened to and ensures they know you’re speaking directly to them - this is a two-way conversation, after all.
As you deliver your perspective and listen to theirs, consider mirroring their expressions. This subtly shows that you’re in tune with their emotions, helping them feel understood and valued - and far more likely to work harder to understand your perspective, too.
You can also try and diffuse any negativity that arises in the conversation. You can do this by making the other person feel heard and summing up what they say to you, before delivering your perspective in turn. For example, say “I understand that you feel you should be leading this task, and I think that…”. This helps them to feel like you’ve listened to what they have to say, and gives you an opportunity to deliver your opinion, without it coming across as hostile or aggressive.
Avoid the following:
Aggressive: Staring at others intimidatingly; using aggressive body language; being quick to anger
Passive-aggressive: Making trivial complaints; gossiping about other people
Passive behaviour: Avoiding both eye contact and confrontation
6. When achieving goals or objectives
Being assertive in the workplace isn’t just about getting your point across. It’s also about establishing your role within your organisation and showing that you’re a person who deserves the respect - and attention - of those around you.
This can be achieved by showing you support the successes of your team - even if these aren’t being led by or directly influenced by you - by taking pride in what you achieve collectively. This can be as little as sending around a team email congratulating everyone on their hard work and success, or making a point to highlight collective achievements during a team meeting.
Avoid the following:
Aggressive: Taking pride only in themselves
Passive-aggressive: Only taking pride when the decision was influenced by them
Passive behaviour: Never taking pride in themselves
7. When it comes to accountability
Being an assertive professional who is trusted and valued by their colleagues is about being a person who is willing to take accountability for their actions - and their mistakes.
Being able to hold your hands up and say you’ve got something wrong is a quality that is an advantageous skill, and one that many people don’t have. It shows humility and confidence; ultimately you’re proving that while you may have made a mistake, you’re willing to own it and make things better. This proves you’re capable of growth and improvement and is guaranteed to gain you respect from your colleagues.
Avoid the following:
Aggressive: Hurting others to avoid being hurt
Passive-aggressive: Deflecting blame onto others
Passive behaviour: Hurting themselves to avoid hurting others
8. When it comes to project management
Effectiveness in the workplace is about showing your ability to work with your colleagues. Regardless of whether you’re in a leadership role or not, managing a project and getting it delivered on schedule and to the highest standard possible can be a stressful but necessary part of many roles. Doing this effectively is about being able to work with your colleagues, and this means doing so without being too domineering or alienating them.
This means being open and accountable for your work, being happy to listen to your colleagues - even if ultimately you assert your way of doing things - and being ready to congratulate the team for their work when it’s due.
Avoid the following:
Aggressive: Never being accountable for their mistakes
Passive-aggressive: Only ever being accountable if they can't shift blame
Passive behaviour: Always feeling like everything is their fault
9. When it comes to managing others
If you’re in a senior role and want to learn to become a better manager, being aware of how important a part assertiveness can take in your day-to-day interactions with your team is critical. Successful leaders are those who are able to assert authority without being aggressive, embark on those courageous (or difficult) conversations that need to be had and build a culture of respect and teamwork.
A major driver in establishing this culture is ensuring that everyone is on board with a decision when it is made. This requires you to listen to your colleagues about their ideas and concerns and ensure that they feel heard - even if ultimately you choose to take a different path.
Avoid the following:
Aggressive: Taking a “my way or the highway” approach to decision making
Passive-aggressive: Reluctantly agreeing but will be negative about the decision
Passive behaviour: Agreeing with everyone to ensure everyone is happy